Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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