First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize