I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
