Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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