Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize