I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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