Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Operation Purity has been aborted
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
