Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
