I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
time to smoke my breakfast
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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