I'm gonna have a badass scar
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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