dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
