I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
