I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
