is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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