please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
