Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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