I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize