Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
