they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
