Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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