i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
