Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
