I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
