Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
