At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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