Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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