bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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