are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
