im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
