WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
