the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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