I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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