that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
