is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She bit a glass in half.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
