The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
