So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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