tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
