So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
