I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
