So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
