dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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