so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
