Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
