If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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