just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
