"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
