I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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