At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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