We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize