So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize