I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
