remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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