We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
