My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
