Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
