I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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