its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
