i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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