y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
