Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
