If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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