Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
