The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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