Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
