I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
