Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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