I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Randomize
