I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
