I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
