we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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