you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drake has all the answers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
