This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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