Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
