well I can't set my house on fire every night
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
