I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
