I wish I could teleport
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
As shirtless as possible
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The Olympian is in my bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
