I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
